Heaven's Gate

I'm watching a show about Heaven's Gate(cult). I'm SO fascinated by cults...Other than Charles Manson, I think Applewhite is the next most interesting cult leader. I'm rather curious of Scientology also. I'm so excited to have been watching ID channel and HAPPEN to notice this show in the background.
Watching this makes me remember how I'd like to be a Cult Expert. Cults, killers, and such all are SO interesting to me. I just want to know more and understand what's going on in their minds. I mean, I guess, you can't ever really know but I'd like to have more understanding of what really makes up a cult leader, and a killer.
Speaking of careers... I want to be a pediatrician...I turned down the chance to go to a good school for psychology to purse this... meaning ill be stuck in community college for another year... >:O but I have contract with a school which I'll hopefully meet the expectations of.
Truthfully, I was AWFUL in high school. I hated homework, I didn't bother on tests and because of some classes I really hateddd *coughhistoryenglishcough* I almost DIDN'T graduate. I just barely skimmed in a passing grade last minute. But thankfully, my senior year I spent a LOT of time with extra math and science classes out of school that were REALLY amazing. I love math. I really really do. Those classes were also make up for some bad bad grades. I ended up getting a really great offer for a good school because of my advancement in math&science, which was really amazing. And I agreed to attend this school after a year of attending Community College to make up some much needed grades in english *ick*...
It's been a few months since then...and I ended up turning it down finally... Theres a school I really really want to get into... Somewhere where I can purse the career I really REALLY want. I love psychology and everything, but... I've come to realize I could never really be a psychologist cause I have a hard time disconnecting myself from others problems.
But while I do have that problem, I really really do love people and helping others. This is why i'm going to Americorps in a few months :D And medicine not only ccan you really help people and you can SEE the change, and I get to work with science and math and people and everything I love.

HONESTLY SPEAKING. If I fell in love with someone who had a good job and could be well off, I'd rather be a house wife. Weirdly tho... I've ALWAYS been for womens independence and never having to rely on someone, especially a man... but lately, I'd like to rely on someone...
Sadly, living here means thats not really going to happen...
The college I want...is in Japan. I'm honestly thrilled. I think this is what I want more than anything...
We shall see.