Birthday!

In lake tahoe for my birthday.
I'm here with 2 of the most important people in my life... Daniel and Alicia (:
I'm getting my cupcake tattoo tonight in rememberance of my 19th birthday!!! hahahaha. I'm excited.
We saw a cabaret last night... guys as women... kinda creepy but it was REALLY good. And of course on the drive up we got lost and drove to the other side of lake tahoe. we finally found the hotel, and then the front desk told me I had to leave $200 at the desk for each room. BS. I called my dad who called the hotel and they left it at $50 for each room. Bwahahaha.
And we surprisingly fit all the shit in my car. It was awesome.
Also going to a sushi place night in town. yay!


It's my bday today yayayayay!

"Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before..."

I'm trying to learn to be at peace with myself... move away from all the negative shit.
I've done some pretty fucked up shit in the past. I thought I needed to be a certain person to have friends... and I know I've left a lot of people pissed off at me... But I've decided to stop dwelling on it and move on. I can't change the past and I can't change the opinion others have of me.
All I can do is learn from my dumb mistakes and change...
I guess I'm happy because I have some new friends who really cares about me as I am... the real me, not some dumb fake made up me. It feels really really good. My life feels happy right now... like I can breath.

Is it weird that I feel genuinely happy, and that I don't think I've felt like this before. Like, I really don't feel sad about anything... Just completely content.

I love life.
Plus Huey's nibbling my sock, its quite cute. (((:

Christy&Rob

I wanted to share my friends story...the story that makes me believe in love.

Christy is part of a special religious group and during a retreat some other groups came together and through her friend she met Rob there. Christy being the freak (I say that loveingly) she is went up to Rob and said "Hey my names Christy, I'm going to marry you."... needless to say Rob was COMPLETELY freaked out.
*when i asked Rob about this he told me he though she was a complete weirdo and made it a point to stay away from her*
Christy left him alone after that...she didn't bother him and that was pretty much the only contact they ever had... retreat came and went and they went their separate ways. 2 years passed... Another retreat came and I guess Rob had forgotten by this time and this is how Rob describes it, "I saw Christy and I didn't realize she was the girl that said that to me, but when I saw her that first day she was incredible. I don't think I could keep my eyes off her. A friend of mine hit on her that night and I remember I went up to him after and told him to not get near her, even though I hadn't ever talked to her. The next day I asked her on a date...and in May of 2008 we got married..."

And thats that.
Christy is like my older sister and everything I see in them is what I hope to have someday. After seeing them, I don't want to settle for anything less than exactly what I want. I mean she told me of course there is good and bad, there always is, and it's going to be hard but that happens in every relationship.

I LOVE HER(((:

Love?

I feel guilty...
He said he LOVES me.
love...
I've dated a few guys, and yea I've said i love you...but I don't think I knew what it ment and to be honest I didn't really mean it. I realized that a few months after a long longgggg talk with my best friend alicia(:
I don't want to say I love you to just anyone...
So...I couldn't say it back. I mean its only been a few weeks!!!! How can you love someone so fast? Plus, truthfully, I don't love him. I like him...
I felt really bad because he looked at me waiting but i just kinda ignored it.

I've dated mostly guys that say I love you to get something...for years the same guy told me how much he cared...for sex. I always fell for it...it really piss' me off when I think about it now. How was I soooooo dumb. And sadly enough, it wasn't just ONE guy that played stupid shit like that.
I'm not saying I was a good gf, cause a lot of times I wasn't, but when I liked someone...I really really liked them. I made a lot of dumb mistakes. I don't want to be like that anymore.
When I tell someone I love them I wanna really really mean it. someone that makes me completely happy and who I can picture being with for a really long time. Someone ment just for me... Someone who even after a day of shit I can go home and just forget everything.
When I meet this person, then I'll say I love you...